I don't want to set the world on fire
by Tessica T. Kirk
Summary: Follow the stories and memories of James' child. The Child faces the Wasteland without any guidance, and it slipping deeper and deeper into depression.
1. Chapter 1

Gasping, I sat up quickly and looked around the dark room. I gasped and groaned, placing a hand over my racing heart. Closing my eyes, and breathing out slowly through my nose, I flopped back onto my bed and sighed. I ran a hand through my sweat damp hair, and ran a hand over my face. These dreams were going to kill me. I could feel it hollowing me out, and a dark void taking its place. As I sat back up, I tossed my blanket off myself, and planted my bare feet on the cold metal floor. I quickly grabbed my leather boots, and pulled them on. I didn't bother fastening them, I'm not sure why. It was probably because I didn't care enough to bother. Not caring enough to just buckle your boots was a dangerous thing. It would and will get you killed.

I looked down at myself and my mouth twitched in disgust. The smell of the room was horrific, I had no idea what the bed was made out of, or who had last pissed themselves in it in a drunken stupor but I didn't care. I pulled the sweat covered once-white undershirt away from my chest, and let go of it. Where I grabbed it stayed erect. I sighed and pulled on my leather jacket and sat down on the bed again. I slowly buckled my boots and shirt, than I stood and pulled my holster around my hips and put my 9mm that I had under my pillow in it. I wished more than anything that I could just wash my clothes; all I wanted to do was wash my fucking clothes.

I knew I would never again be able to, unless I raided a Mutant infested vault, or washed them in the radiated rivers. I looked down at my Pipboy and I pursed my lips. Everything looked in order, my rads were low, my heath was full, and I had enough Stimpack to last me a few more days, but I needed to get water soon. I breathed deep and pulled open the iron door in front of me.  
>The stench was even worse out of the room. The building was stuffy and humid, making every rotting body in the place reek. There weren't really any dead bodies in here, but they mind as well be. What kind of a life could someone have in a shithole word that we made for ourselves? We are so stupid, and I will never get over how stupid we are. Humans are a greedy, repugnant species and I hate every one of us. I hate myself. I walked softly along the hard floor, and down the harsh stairs. People sat around drinking dirty water and Whiskey. Everyone had a cigarette in hand smoking old and rolled tobacco, cancer filled sticks. What the fuck else were they supposed to do? Go out into the Wasteland? I'm the only stupid on who goes through that.<p>

I walked over to the bar and leaned on it. I looked up at Eddie, and flashed the smallest hint of a smile at him.  
>"Have anymore Whiskey?" I asked my voice harsh and rough. I don't talk unless necessary. I sometimes wonder if I can still speak. Eddie nodded lightly, and put a bottle on the counter.<br>"10 caps." He said. My lip twitched up, and I slammed the caps onto the table, and grabbed my bottle, then burst out the door.  
>"That stupid bastared," I said and took a swing of the watered down alcohol. I coughed and looked at the bottle in disgust. I knew that they watered it down, and not with clean water, but this tasted like dirt and moonshine. "I just paid ten caps for a bottle of piss." I moaned in annoyance, and opened up my Pipboy and put the bottle of 'piss' in it. I trudged down the slopped walkway and toward the main gate. A robot sat idly by the gate, and followed me with its head as I walked by, "Have. A. Nice. Day." it said. I just walked passed. I knew how to ignore things, I also knew how to analyze every time thing around me and it was what had kept me alive this whole time.<p>

My life before entering the Wasteland is a boring story. Being in the vault was all I have ever known. My father taught me how to shoot, and I want around with the BB gun, and shot radroaches when I was bored. I had always been quiet and sneaky; I would slip out of me and my fathers' room all the time. I was a bad kid when no one was looking. I slept with countless people. We had a few hundred in out vault, and I must have slept with 10 or 15 of them. Girls, guys, I fucked them all and they all kept coming back for more. It was how I made the nights bearable. My father tried everything, but the insomnia didn't go away. I would get an hour here, and an hour there but never a solid 8 hour sleep.

Sex made me tired, so when I was just too tired of being tired I would find a willing lover and take them to bed. I'm sure my father knew, but he was a doctor and people got attacked by the roaches almost every day. If you believe it, some people died because of them. When he was home, he never checked on me, but I wouldn't know if he did because I was never there. He just stopped asking once he stopped seeing me. Jonas saw me more than my father did, but that was probably because I was sleeping with him. We had a… understanding. The vault was a cold hard place to live, and we both needed an outlet. I would come home bruised from the chest down, we got each other bad and it felt so good. I never thought I would be the kind of person who would want to have someone beat me, but it was just so real. The pleasure, the love, the hate, it was all numb for me. Coated like a Tylenol capsule. The pain was harsh, and there, and real. Being with him made me sleep and it was beautiful.

Once out of the town, I pulled out my 9mm and clicked off the safety. I jogged along the road for a bit, and once I was about 100 feet from the wall around the town, I crouched and continued on my way. I didn't know where I was going, but I figured a new town would be nice. I needed some new air, and some new people. Maybe the next town would have Whiskey, and not bitter mud. The sun was creeping up behind me, I didn't like traveling in the dark, but I wasn't going to go back the piss smelling bed, and pass out from the fumes, not that the air out here was any better.

I made it to the next town in a couple of hours, ran into a couple of raiders, and a mole rat or two on the way. I opened up the main gate, switched on the safety and put it back in the holster. People walked by, eying me nervously, and I just ignored them, not drawing attention to myself. I walked to the middle of the town and looked at my surroundings. There was a shop to my right down a pathway, with the entrance 90-or-so feet behind me, and a restaurant in front of me. Right beside the restaurant on the left side was a staircase and 3 buildings on platforms over a large body of water. This seemed very dangerous to me, due to the fact that lots of rad-monsters liked to live in the water, and I almost instantly regretted coming here, but then I remembered that my lack of care made it hard to feel regret.

I am so broken.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I stroked the dark skin of the man I was holding. I ran the tops of my fingers along his jaw, and kissed the back of his neck. I ran my hand along his neck, and down his arm. Goosebumps rose on his skin and I smirked and kissed his shoulder tenderly. A throaty chuckle escaped his beautiful lips, and he turned his head to look at me.

"Hey now," He turned his body around so he was facing me, and I kissed him tenderly on the lips, and hugged him tightly. "Did you sleep?" he asked, and I shook my head, no. My emotions were overwhelming. I had heard that Jonas was seeing someone in the vault, and my heart had sunk. I stayed in my room and just sat there, the sobs at the back of my mouth punching at my tongue but nothing coming out. No tears. No sobs.

My father had come in a few times, asking me if I was OK, kissing the top of my head and rubbing my back. I didn't say anything; I couldn't say anything because he would never understand. I think I was in love with him, and the thought that he was in love with another cut me deep. I felt the blood drain from my face when Amata told me, she was so excited for some reason and I was so shocked that I felt like I was going to puke. She didn't understand, she thought this was wonderful news that she wanted to share with me, she thought I would appreciate it. Why would I appreciate it? It didn't even make sense why she cared. Who cares who's sleeping with whom? I don't care.

_The fucking rumors in this place make me sick. Why do humans feel the need to gossip? What does it accomplish? Do you feeling fucking __**accomplished **__when you gossip? _Huh_? DO yah? _I though and spat on the floor, stomping over to Jonas' room. When I got to the door I stopped dead in my tracks. _What if the person is here? What am I going to say? _My eyes darted back and forth, not focusing on anything besides the cold sweat that was forming on my body. I closed my eyes and shook my head and knocked on the door.

Jonas opened it in the middle of my second knock. He looked… awful. I furrowed my bro and opened my mouth to say something and he pulled me into the room and hugged me tight. I was so very confused, but I hugged him back hard and shushed his crying. I pulled his head away from the crook of my neck and held it between my two hands and looked into his eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked, but eyes darting back and forth between his. He grabbed my wrists and looked at me, the tears gone but the sadness still on his face. "Tell me Jonas,"

We sat and talked for what seemed like hours. We talked and talked and talked. He told me that he had told someone about us, but didn't tell that is was me; he just wanted to talk to someone about it, about how he felt. This person told everyone, and when he found out from my father that I was upset he feared the worst. Why he never came to talk to me, I'll never know. I can assume it was because my father was there most of the time, or because he just didn't know what to say. Then we hugged, and kissed, and made love.

I didn't get home till late, and my father said nothing, he just sat at his desk and stared at his computer screen. I crawled into bed, and slept for a very long time.

I walked up to the Tavern and opened the door. This one had a less stuffy smell to it, but the people looked sketchier. They all eyed me, and put their drinks down on the tables. I walked up to the counter and looked at the bar man, and nodded toward him.  
>"What have you got?"<br>He looked over at me from the corner of his eye, and then turned his whole head to face me. He clicked his tongue and looked me up and down. I furrowed my brow and leaned back crossing my arms.  
>"What do you want stranger?" He asked with a hint of annoyance.<br>I pursed my lips and brushed off my dirty arms, "Well I would like a drink if that isn't too much trouble." The barman scoffed and picked up a bottle of Vodka and slammed it onto the counter. "8 caps,"  
>I kept my poker-face on, and put the caps on the counter and took the bottle. I walked over to a girl that was clearly selling herself, and looked her up and down. She was a fucking wreck; she was skin and bones and just might have a lot of rads.<br>I looked down at her, and she looked up at me and said, "Hey baby, looking to stay the night?" despite her unattractive physical form, she had the sexiest voice I had heard in a long time. I nodded and touched her shoulder, "How much?"  
>"For you, baby? 120 caps."<p>

I nodded and gave her the caps, and headed up to the room. I don't really know why I hired her, it's not like I wanted to sleep with the bitch. I don't really sleep with anyone after Jonas, but I felt like I needed this, I hoped it would help me because I didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't know what to do about the hole inside me. The fucking hole. It's so dark in my head, that I don't even what to be in there, I need the distraction, and the Wasteland is the perfect distraction. Looking behind yourself every four seconds to make sure that you aren't getting snuck up on, to be killed, skinned and raped is very distracting.

I opened the door and let the woman go in before I did. She "Hmmm"-ed and clicked her tongue at me as I walked in and closed the door behind myself. She put a hand on her hip and put her weight on one foot looking me up and down. I don't blame her for liking what she saw, I was very attractive and I knew it. I was proportioned very well, I was muscular, and I was young. I unbuckled my top, and tossed it on the ground, then pulled off my disgusting undershirt and tossed it as well. I was muscular; you have to be to have a little chance. I worked out a lot when I was in the vault, it's not like I had anything else to do. Sure I had my jobs, just like everyone else, but I had insomnia. What was I supposed to do all night? Masturbate? No. I worked out, kept in good shape, and had sex.

She walked over to me and put her hands on my waist and pulled me against her. I put my hand under her chin and kissed her softly on the lips. She tasted like cigarettes and vodka – not that I cared. I kissed her harder and grabbed her ass, pulling her tight against my pelvis. She pulled away, and looked at me, "You only get an hour baby," I nodded and kissed her again, and she kissed back letting her tongue roll around in my mouth. I grabbed her firmly by the waist, and tossed her onto the bed. She squealed and laughed as she landed on the bed, and I jumped on top of her. I fucked her brains out, and slept a total of 3 hours. It was the most sleep I had got all week.


End file.
